I was 15.
I was a HS sophomore, it was the first day of school… and there she was scanning her id in the scanner. See, in NYC HS students simply just can’t walk in…we have scanners to verify we belong there and even metal detectors. But I digress. When I saw her standing there, my heart skipped a beat. There was something different, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it (in HS, I was too much self absorbed to notice anyone, so the fact that I stopped and noticed her is very telling in the first place). A few weeks later, she joined the basketball team, which I was a member, we had a rocky start but eventually became good friends.
Pretty soon, we started hanging out together and I really enjoyed her company. She had some ups and downs in her life during her freshman year, and I was always concerned and found myself thinking about her constantly. She was 14 dating a 19 year old and while our fellow peers thought that that was cool, I could see he was just out for himself and told her she shouldn’t mess with him…she wound up pregnant…she ran away from home. I only wanted the best for her, she had so much talent and was going places. I did not want to see anything hinder her from reaching her full potential. I always told her what I thought about things, regardless if she wanted to hear it or not. I just wanted the best for her. I could remember always being happy to see her on Monday after what seemed to be like a long weekend. We would see each other in basketball practice on Saturday’s and pretty soon we started hanging out after practice on the weekends and after school. I still knew there was something different about how I felt about her, but ignored it. I guess I just thought I really liked her as a friend.
Then one day something changed.
We were on our way home after practice one day. Our coach was driving, I was sitting in the front seat, she was sitting in the middle. We were listening to a Lost Boys song and I turned around and watched her repeat the words and dance in her seat…and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I turned around with a swiftness, and all I could then was “oh shit, I like her…I like her like that!”
It took me a full year to come to terms with what my subconscious already knew.
I felt wonderful, curious, scared and vulnerable all at the same time. I knew she liked me as a friend, but did she like me like that?
The next year, we hung out all the time. During away games, when we had to spend the night at a hotel, I always made it a point to ensure we were in the same room and sleeping in the same bed. Just being close to her was a thrill for me and it felt so good to wake up next to her in the morning.
I adored her, she quickly rose to being an all-city basketball player winning awards and all types of great things. Her chocolate smooth skin, her long lean body, muscles in the right places, her full beautiful lips, her smile just made me crazy inside. What I didn’t know at the time was that I was in love, head over heels in love.
She was so sweet, very smart, funny, easy-going and just fun to be around. She was always a good friend to me. Understanding, caring and forgiving.
Between my junior and senior year of HS. I got a internship at a Law Firm in SoHo. SoHo is located in Greenwich Village, Manhattan. The village is a hot spot for everyone, especially the GLBT community. Growing up and spending the majority of my time in Queens with occasional trips to Manhattan, I wasn’t exposed to any “alternative lifestyles”. But in the Village, there was everyone straight, gay, transgender and even a few I couldn’t quite figure out. LOL. And I loved it!
One day on my lunch break, I walked past the bookstore on the corner, and there among other titles was a book on lesbian erotica. As much as I hate to tell on myself, in order for this story to flow I must reveal that in junior high I had a brief fascination with lesbian porn. My brother had a porn collection that collector would envy. Being a latchkey kid, I was usually home a good 2-3 hours before anyone in the family. Being the youngest, I would go through everyones stuff, to see what interesting things I could find. I know, I know, I was bad…but I was 12! So one day I found the porn and popped in into the VHS (yes, it was a tape…remember those?). I remember watching the porn and become fixated on the few lesbian scenes there were, after a while thats all I would watch. I just loved watching two women get it on. LOL. Overtime, I got tired of it and found something else to do with my time after school. So when I saw the book and remembered how i loved the sight of two women together, I knew what I wanted to do. I knew that I wanted her. I had her friendship, but I wanted more.
During my internship, I wasn’t playing basketball so we didn’t see as much of each other as we normally did. We still spoke almost daily on the phone and hung out when I wasn’t working and when she didn’t have a game. And then, one day we had THE conversation that would change my life forever…
Are you a lesbian if you don’t go down, munch carpet, eat out or whatever you call it? There are plenty of 
women who don’t “perform” and identify as lesbians and there are plenty of women (the studs, butches or what have you) who don’t want it done to them. What are your thoughts?
