Trying To Prove Me Wrong, Doesn’t Make You Right

I got a little heated today while reading Alix’s blog.  I got a little heated when someone said that gay people not only have no right to marry, because marriage is between a man and a woman and it is “sacred”, I got very heated when it was said that “why would gay people get married in a place (the church) that doesn’t want them”.  So, I thought to myself that trying to prove me wrong, doesn’t make you right.

I have never been more certain that the institution of marriage that is recognized by the law should have nothing to do with the religous aspect of marriage.  Meaning, we commonly say that people are married once they complete the ceremony (usually complete with a preacher or official) followed by some cake (I had to put that in there).  BUT the legal aspect of marriage is simply papers and documentation the couple signs and provides to the state.  There are couples who are legally married and never have a ceremony or have one at a later date.  By law, they are still married.   As such, this marriage (a legal marriage) complete with all the rights that the law gives married couples should not be withheld from same-gender loving persons.  You can take your civil unions and domestic partnerships and shove it because it’s not the same.  It’s separate and not equal.  Or, let’s call all legal marriages civil unions which more closely pegs it as a legal agreement not a religious one.

Let me break my thought process down because this is the problem I have with people who are against gay marriage.  Their thought process is limited because it can be.  They don’t think through things or apply logic or just a dose of humanity to their argument.  See, when you are the privilege and everything was created and run by people like you then society is catered to your needs, wants and desires.  See, a white person wasn’t going to be the Champion of desegregating schools because they weren’t victims of “separate yet equal”, when your children got a cramped school, with inadequate resources and substandard education then the trigger goes off.  Something isn’t quite right…this is what I have to deal with because of the color of my skin? Separate is not equal.  A man doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a woman climbing the corporate ladder, since they have never experienced being made to feel stupid, sexual harassment, being more qualified yet passed over on promotion in favor of a less qualified male, not being allowed in the ole boys network, etc…  Because from where they sit, there is not problem and easy to say that it’s not a problem when you don’t face the problem.  These types of people who lack depth and perception want to cling to “tradition” and notions of “separate but equal” to keep others down in order to stay up.  Their own insecurities and fear is masked by anger and hatred.  It is masked by using the Bible or other “proof” that they way it is is the way it should be.  And so those with power promote fear and hatred, they spread it like the truth and make rather compelling arguments for it until it reaches critical mass, and we get:

• The justification that is was OK to kidnap millions of Africans from their homes, enslave them and refuse to even call them a human being because of the color of their skin.  The gall to teach that God promote slavery and indecent treatment of His people.  Decades of emotional and physical abuse, segregation, lynchings, unjust treatment, unequal legal protection, etc… followed. People march fought and died for the rights of blacks, just the right for blacks to be, to be who they are without legal or societal persecution.  And we still fight, to this day, even with the first black man as President, we still fight.  You can goto any website today and see all the stupid things people have said about Barack Obama and black people, how we are this and we are that.  They want us to believe that somehow because of the color of our skin, we are less than.  Trying to prove me wrong doesn’t make you right.
• The killings of hundreds of thousands of Jews, because, well, they were Jews.  Somehow, they weren’t the “right” people, they weren’t the chosen ones, therefore some nutcase thought that they should die.  This nutcase infected others with this thought processes and they carried out horrible crimes against humanity. Any time I think about this, even thought it was way before my time I feel heavy and troubled in my spirit.  Men, women and children died horrible deaths because they were Jewish, because someone had decided that that was wrong. Trying to prove me wrong doesn’t make you right.
• The atrocies in Rwanda were committed against a rival group by another.  What was their crime?  After all, they were all the same people?  They simply had a different name, that was their crime.  A name given to them by Europeans which meant nothing, it didn’t change who they were, it didn’t make them evil, it didn’t even matter.  But people were able to incite such hatred to the point that others were murdered, because of their name.  That’s like taking a family and calling half of them A and the other half B and then for some reason A and B hate each other and B slays A.  WHY??  WHY?? I don’t know, but the capacity of humans to be horrible and to rationalize their hatred to the point where lies are the truth is scary.  Trying to prove me wrong, doesn’t make you right.

These are extreme examples, these are the worst examples of human reign and judgment but my point is that we have a tendency fear and incite hatred until the irrational becomes rational.

If you don’t have a reason to challenge the status quo then why should you?  Folks who say that the Bible is against homosexuality have no problem ignorning other parts of the Bible.  They have no problem accepting the divorced person or any of the other things the Bible speaks against but they continue to harp on this condemnation of gays.  Funny though, most of these people have their own plank in their eye they should address. But nooooooooooo…they won’t do that.  They want to throw the Bible at people and somehow want to believe that one person loving another is a sin against God.  But yet, when you point out how do you adhere to one passage and ignore 10 others, they ignore that too.

I believe that getting the “religious folk” to accept gay marriage is a long and hard fight. Quite frankly, it’s not worth it.  Most have rationalized the irrational, emotion has replaced logic and the need to be right has replaced the right for gays and lesbians to enjoy the rights guaranteed to us by the constitution.  If a preacher doesn’t want to marry me and my gf, then he/she doesn’t have to.  Furthermore, as I’ve said in other blogs marriage is in the heart and in the mind.  I don’t need a ceremony or even a piece of paper the true essence of marriage doesn’t need approval by anyone on this earth.  Many straight people are so caught up in the pomp and circumstance of the wedding, they don’t focus on the actual married part. Hence, why 50% of marriages end.  And yes, religious people are more likely to get divorced than non-religous people.   With this alarming divorce rate, I don’t see religious folks seeking to ban divorce or do much about it.  On the contrary, I hear people from the pulpit talking about their 1st or 2nd wife they divorced.  I guess people do change the Bible to suit them when they feel like it. Who knew?

Trying to prove me wrong doesn’t make you more holy, or right or better than me.  I wish people would stop projecting their fears and insecurities onto others.  But it’s sooo much easier to point out what is “wrong” with other people, than to check yourself. Because that’s what it boils down too. Much of the anti-gay marraige argument is clouded in stuff that has nothing to do with gay people at all, its people projecting their “stuff”.  Why should someone else car so strongly about who I marry?  Are these people going to give me help when I need it, if I was suffering would they come to my aid of course not?  But who I marry is of utmost concern?! I can marry a man who I despise, just want his money and I am hoping he will die soon so I can walk away with a nice insurance check and folks will give me their blessings?  But I can’t marry a woman whom I love, cherish, respect and adore because that would ruin the “sanctity of marriage”?

I found this online, and It’s like this person is walking around in my head.  This sums up well what I have been saying for the longest:

“If marriage was simply a legal document that showed two people were in love, then I really wouldn’t care. But it’s not. Marriage brings certain rights to a partner that otherwise aren’t available, such as health insurance, inheritance, and tax benefits. It’s not simply man-woman love made legal. It’s a two-partner partnership. If a man and a woman can get married without being in love, and do it only for the legal benefits of it, how does two gay men or women getting married out of actual love ruin the sanctity of marriage.

Why haven’t I heard about Hollywood marriages in a State of the Union address? Celebrities getting married and divorced every three months doesn’t ruin the sanctity of marriage?

The sanctity of marriage is a myth. It is nothing but a way for the religious powers to try to keep homosexuals from having any type of equality. That’s all it is. If it were actually about marriage, then you’d hear at least some complaints about the scam marriages that happen everyday between men and women who don’t love each other.” Source

Amen to that!

Update: My gf read this and told me I needed to spell check…so I did.  Then she said “but is good though”.  By the look on my face, she then said “you know maybe someone wants to republish it…” Nice save. I never claimed to be the best speller!

Prop. 8 Moves Anti-Gay Couple to Action

Have you heard about his California couple who have devoted their days and nights to making sure that gays are denied their rights? I just heard about it today and while I am appalled, I know they are not the only ones by far. Before I comment further, here is the story below:

Proposition 8 moves Christian couple to action

By Kate Linthicum
December 21, 2008

Abel Ferreira and his wife, Robbie, never considered themselves political activists.

But when Proposition 8 landed on November’s ballot, the Spring Valley couple did everything they could to ensure that the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage got passed. They made phone calls. They attended prayer rallies. They fasted for 40 days.

For the Ferreiras, as for so many other people motivated to action by Proposition 8, the measure wasn’t just a matter of politics. It was about family, faith and the future of the country.

“I saw it as a crossroads in our country,” said Abel, 55. “I feel like for the sake of our country and our family I had to stand up and be heard.”

The family was relieved when the measure passed on Nov. 4. But since then, gay activists have fiercely protested the outcome, and the California Supreme Court has said it will consider legal challenges to Proposition 8.

The Ferreiras know their struggle isn’t over.

“It definitely let us know that we’re in a battle,” Abel said.

“When you’re in the heat of the moment, there’s no standing on the fence. You’re committed. And we’re committed to this fight.”

The Ferreiras like life in their gated community in the eastern suburbs of San Diego. Their house, nestled at the end of a cul-de-sac, is comfortable, with plenty of room for them and their three grown children, who still live at home.

But the Ferreiras are afraid of what is happening to the world beyond the gates.

“I’m just seeing our morals and everything just deteriorating before us,” Robbie, 49, said one recent evening.

“The first time they wanted to take prayer out of schools, we as believers should have stood up,” said Abel, who was recently laid off from his job as a salesman of manufactured homes. “Every time you give them a little bit, they want more.”

The Ferreiras’ fight for Proposition 8 began less than two miles away, at Skyline Church. The family is among several thousand people who worship at the bluff-top church.

Pastor Jim Garlow, one of the state’s most vocal proponents of the measure, was crucial in collecting the more than 600,000 signatures required to get the proposition on the ballot.

After the California Supreme Court ruled in May that a 2000 ballot measure banning gay marriage was illegal, clearing the way for same-sex couples to marry in the state, Garlow was one of several prominent evangelical Christians who worked with leaders in the Roman Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Proposition 8 campaign.

One Sunday about a year ago, Garlow told his congregation what he thought the consequences of legalizing same-sex marriage would be.

Pastors around the state would be required to marry gays, he said. Businesses would be forced to recognize gay marriage. Schools would begin teaching children that gay and lesbian lifestyles are the norm.

“The thing that affected me the most was knowing that my grandkids are going to be taught this ungodly and sinful act as if it’s OK,” Robbie said. “I thought from that point on, ‘No. I will fight for them. I don’t have them yet, but I’m going to fight for them.’ “

Robbie, who said she has always loathed conflict, dived into the political fray with her family.

She and her husband called voters to urge them to support Proposition 8. They put up signs in their frontyard. Robbie slapped a Proposition 8 sticker on her desk at the bank where she works as a loan processor, and two on her Mercedes.

She talked her 87-year-old mother, who had never before voted, into casting a ballot in support of the measure. And she and her husband took part in a church-sponsored fast.

For 40 days, the couple gave up coffee and didn’t eat for 12 hours a day. And Robbie gave up “Days of Our Lives,” the soap opera she had been watching since high school.

The fast culminated at a huge rally Nov. 1 at San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium. The Ferreiras were ushers at the event, known as “The Call,” where a pastor named Lou Engle orchestrated 12 hours of prayer for the passage of Proposition 8.

“We were praying for revival in this country, that this quest to darkness would stop,” Abel remembers.

Engle and Garlow, like many other evangelical pastors, preach that homosexuality is a sin.

“The Bible is very, very clear . . . that that kind of perversion will not get people into heaven,” Abel said. “They’re fallen people, broken people, hurting people.”

Gay marriage, he said, is a threat to heterosexual marriage.

“We’re not trying to take anything from them; we just want to protect marriage as God designed it,” Abel said.

“It started in the garden of Eden with a man and a woman being brought together by God,” he said.

A few months ago, the Ferreiras’ 18-year-old daughter, Brooklyn, began posting her opinions about gay marriage and her support of Proposition 8 on her MySpace profile.

She was met with a flood of criticism from friends and strangers, she said.

Someone posted a video on YouTube mocking her religious beliefs, and an acquaintance who is gay said he could no longer be friends with her.

“A lot of my friends are mad at me, but I honestly don’t care,” she said. “I’m standing up for what is right.”

Brooklyn and her family believe that gay activists have unfairly painted Proposition 8 supporters as “hate-mongers and bigots.”

Robbie points out that Skyline Church offers counseling for people who are “struggling with same-sex attraction,” and its pastor has told his congregation to save gay people by giving them love.

“We hate the sin,” Abel often declares, “not the sinner.”

Abel said he knows what it is to sin. A former drug user, he found Jesus while serving time in prison.

After he was released, he toured the state, telling his conversion story at evangelical gatherings. He met Robbie at a revival in Barstow.

They were married, had three children and then divorced. Ten years ago, they remarried. In the interim, Robbie had married and divorced another man.

The Ferreiras insist their divorces do not make them hypocrites in the fight for Proposition 8 and the preservation of the “sacredness” of marriage. They say it just proves that they are flawed people like everyone else.

“Divorce is ugly. God hates divorce,” Abel said. “We’re all broken people.”

If nothing else, the Ferreiras say, the battle for Proposition 8 has reinvigorated their family and their faith.

In April, after hearing Engle preach at Skyline, Robbie formed a Bible study group. Every Sunday evening, about a dozen teenagers and people in their 20s meet in the Ferreiras’ living room to discuss faith.

With court decisions still to come and the debate over gay marriage very much alive, the Ferreiras plan to keep the study group going. They see it as an investment in the future of the movement.

And as the battle wears on, Robbie said, these young people will be the ones who will “carry the Gospel.”

kate.linthicum@latimes.com

I don’t even know where to start here, and much of what I could say I won’t because I have posted it elsewhere on this blog in other posts.

I just find it funny that as I was reading this, I happen to be watching the Wizard of Oz and these people remind me of the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the cowardly lion. The Scarecrow simply because if they weren’t so blinded by their 5th-grade interpretation of the Bible AND most importantly the fact that over 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce I could only think that their fight would be against divorce, the most formidable threat to marriage. But you know I guess that wouldn’t be good since they divorced each other and then latter remarried (in the meantime the wife married someone else and then divorced him too). I can’t help to believe that people love to cast stones in order to ignore their own transgressions. By sheer numbers the fight against divorce would be are more effective battle to preserve the sanctity of marriage. A ban on divorce? I guess that would hit too close to home not to mention unconstitutional…imagine that.

They remind of me of the Tin Man in that if they had a heart, they would acknowledge the fact that two people who love each other should have the same rights to marry as everyone else. No one is asking them to like it, they don’t have to like it, they don’t have to attend the wedding. But because in their narrow minds if someone is different or does something that goes against their beliefs, then it’s OK to discriminate.

Finally, like cowards, they seek to trample on the rights of the minority because it’s easy to suppress the rights of those who are smaller in numbers. It doesn’t take a person with courage to do that, as a matter of fact those who pick on the weak usually have underlying issues and “picking on” others somehow makes them feel better. The cherry on top of this piece of work is that they do it in the name of God.

Here is the kicker for me, they say: “We are not trying to take anything away from them”.

Are they serious? Keeping a certain group of people from enjoying the rights of the majority isn’t taking anything away from “them”? Interesting how there are many gay couples who in the time this couple got married, got divorced (married someone else) and got married again; managed to stay together in committed, loving relationships. I am talking about gay couples who legally couldn’t go before God and profess their love and devotion to each other stuck it out during the tough times when these folks called it quits. Apparently, when they chose to divorce it didn’t matter that Jesus advised strongly against it. What matters is ensuring that those of us who “chose” to be gay (I know you remember that day, it was sometime between conception and birth) remain second-class citizens.

I always think the anti-gay people think that the passing of prop 8 would somehow eradicate all the gay people from the earth…too bad, were still here. I could go on and on but I am learning that ignorance, intolerance and stupidity no matter how popular and deep-rooting will not take up my time. So I will just end with this quote by MLK, which speaks true today:

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant. -MLK

What Will Happen If Gays Marry…

I found this online and just had to blog it.  I mean people really think that the wrath of God will be on America leading to the end of the world?  Goodness, let people love who they love already.

DL Hughley: “I’m Against ‘That’ Gay Lifestyle”

On my long commute into DC this morning, I fliped the radio to the Tom Joyner Morning Show. It just so happened that his special guest was DL Hughley, who now has his own show on CNN. They were talking about the passing of prop. 8 in CA and gay rights. I don’t think I have ever heard so much ignorance from what I thought were fairly intelligent men. Mr. Hughley explained that he is against the gay lifestyle. (And you know, I know that gays and lesbians refer to the gay lifestyle, but the difference is this: when we say it, we are talking about the culture and who we are and how we identify as gay or lesbian…when they say it, it is always implied that being gay is a complete choice and we choose to love the same sex over the opposite sex. So since we choose it, and we can just as easily choose not to do it, then they have no qualms about denying us our rights because hey, if we don’t like it…just change. So when I hear straight people talking about our “lifestyle” I seethe and cringe).

DL indicated that he is not for having people rights taken away, but then continued to say that he did not vote for or against prop. 8…he did not vote on it at all…he just skipped that question. This just goes to show how people behave when they are seemingly unaffected by something, when it is not relevant to them, then why should they care? Why should they care that the rights of human beings are at stake here? Heck, if it doesn’t affect me then I guess I should stop doing alot of things (i.e., paying taxes) since I could very well just fund those things that I personally use…why should I pay for those old farts with my social security contributions? Why should I care about the environment, I mean by the time the earth blows up due to our bad habits, I will be long gone… I really should have turned the station at that point, but I guess I am glutton for punishment. I love to listen to people floss and flaunt their proud ignorance for the world to see.

Then both Tom and DL indicated how they can’t stand how “the gays” compare their struggle to civil rights. Here we go again… They said that tens of millions of gays haven’t died (wish I guess is a reference to those who died during the slave trade, in slavery and throughout the entire struggle of black plight in America) for their cause. I can’t believe that black folks, of all people can not recognize discrimination when they see it. I can’t believe that we as black people think we have a monopoly on discrimination and that black people are the only ones who have struggled with civil rights in America. DL commented that he can see if the vote was to take away the rights of a person to be counted as a human being…but marriage? He seemed to scoff at the notion of gay marriage being important, and belittled it to being more of a want than a need or a right. Tom Joyner then chimed in with his two cents. He indicated that he spoke to a black lesbian who claimed that she didn’t vote on the issue because there are other bigger issues to worry about, and this (gay marriage) wasn’t one of them. What? Excuse Me? Apparently, there are several groups in CA who think this is a big issue to the point where they have poured millions of dollars against the right of people to marrry who they love. This is a big issue for somebody. Do we have bigger issues? Hell yeah. Were those on the ballot? Heck no. I have to believe that this “black lesbian” was a fictional character who exists solely and exclusively in Mr. Joyners mind.

All the while, Mr. Joyners’ co-host was back there in the Amen corner agreeing with it all. Goodness, I guess when you get 3 ignorant folks together all agreeing with one another then they must be right! Right…yeah…so….anyway…I was disappointed in DL and Tom to say the least. I never had a problem with either of the men, until today. I am thinking about writing the show, someone needs to address this foolishness. Ignorance really is bliss.

My Note To H8 Supporters…

I was a bit pissed off today. So I found a pro-prop 8 group and sent them this message.  Not that this is going to change anything, but it made me feel a bit better

“Prop. 8 is simply wrong. I understand both sides; however, most of the legal battles in this country have been due to the fact that the majority consistently seeks to deny the minority their rights. This is not the end but the beginning of a fight for the rights of all people. There is no difference between homophobia, racism and sexism. Gays chose to be gay the day they chose their parents, gender and race. We can not sit back and let people strip the rights of Americans, because they are “different”. As we have seen this country, count blacks as 2/3 of a person and deny women the right to vote. What is staggering is that over 50% of straight marriages end in divorce, where is the rally and fight against divorce? Love is love, whether you approve of it or not. Marriage is something that exists in the heart, and it doesn’t require the approval of anyone. Nonetheless, we can not sit and watch anyone’s rights be denied because others don’t “believe” in it. Again, the fight is not over and we will fight and we will prevail”.

Petition To Re-Open Prop. 8

Let’s continue the good fight for our rights.  I will be posting information on petitions, rallies and any events that will help ensure civil rights for all Americans, not just some.

Currently, there is a petition online to re-open prop 8.  You can veiw and sign the petition here: http://www.petitiononline.com/seg5130/petition.html

Be sure to pass it on.

Preserve the Freedom to Marry!!

Please forward this on to as many people as possible!

Take Action Today to Preserve the Freedom to Marry in California

Since June, same-sex couples have enjoyed the freedom to marry in California, and have celebrated their personal commitment in life with the solemn and joyous commitment and full equality that marriage brings under the law .  This will end if Prop. 8 passes on November 4th.  Preserving marriage equality will not only protect families in California, it will also provide added momentum to move our country toward fairness for all.

Tell everyone you know: Vote No on 8! Prop. 8 is unfair and wrong and would eliminate couples’ freedom to marry in California.

Here are a few simple ways to take action:

1) Spread the word about No on 8. Contact anyone you know in CA or even anyone you know who knows anyone in CA. Don’t assume they already are there; they need to hear from you. Here are some options:

• Blog it, Facebook it, Myspace it, Twitter it, YouTube it,  or Bookmark it.
• Watch and circulate the many videos supporting No on 8 and the other important votes across the US.
• Make sure everyone knows to VOTE  NO (not yes) and knows to GO ALL THE WAY DOWN THE BALLOT!

2) Donate to No on 8. If you have already, do it again.

3)  Phone Bank for No on 8. Visit a field office, host a phone bank party, or just do it from home.

There are also four other very important votes to support equality across the United States:

• Both Florida (No on 2) and Arizona (No on 102) face anti-gay amendments which would write discrimination into their state constitutions.
• Connecticut (No on Question 1) has a prescheduled vote on whether the state should convene a Constitutional Convention that  would give opponents of equality an opportunity to do lots of mischief, including trying to reverse the recent state supreme court ruling in favor of marriage equality.
• And finally, Arkansas‘ (No on Act 1) constitution is being threatened with discrimination which would bar unmarried couples from fostering or adopting children.

Here are the important  battles and the right way to vote, alongside the presidential and other key races:

CALIFORNIA: Vote No on 8

FLORIDA: Vote No on 2

ARIZONA: Vote No on 102

CONNECTICUT: Vote No on Question 1

ARKANSAS: Vote No on Act 1

Thank you for your advocacy in support of the freedom to marry, and most importantly, please go VOTE!

— Freedom to Marry Staff

Sarah Palin: Almost Everyone Has The Right To Love

Sarah Palin supports a ban on gay marriage…read more: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27285822

We must not let her or her running mate near the Oval Office!