Joke of the Day

Okay, so usually after I tell this joke I get a blank stare followed by “I can’t believe you just said that”, a few chuckles or both.  But I couldn’t help myself and I am going to share it anyway.  This joke was told to me by my boss, who also likes to sing “my lipgloss is poppin’” (don’t ask!) so here we go…

There was a priest, a lawyer and an accountant.  All good friends to a man who was dying.  His dying wish was that he would give them each 1million dollars but he requested that at his funeral they put the money back in the coffin to be buried with him.

So the man passes away and after the funeral the priest, lawyer and accountant go out to a bar.    So the priest says “you know, I just couldn’t bring myself to put the money in the coffin.  The church needs so much, and imagine what new programs can be funded and great things we can do with this money.”  Then the lawyer pipes up and says “over the years, I provided him with so much free legal advice, I never charged him.  I think this money is just compensation for my services, so I didn’t put the money in the coffin either.”  The accountant goes, you ungrateful, moraless SOB’s!  I wrote him a check…”

Hehehehehehehe

10 True Things I Think of to Keep Myself Amused…

1. I sometimes put ice cream in the microwave so that it is melted just enough so I can drink it.  But I don’t like milkshakes.

2. My son will say there is no Santa Claus and will mock anyone who thinks there is one.  Yet, he will not stop bugging me about putting his letter to Santa in the mail.

3.  My gf ordered a local newspaper in order to get a free $25 Wal Mart gift card.  Then forgets all about it and car seat she has to show for it.  For months the newspaper is coming to the house…she has no clue about it.  I finally call the newspaper folks to find out why it keeps coming to the house.  I find out that not only did she order the paper, she is paying for it.  Okay, I can see you forgot you ordered it…but how do you forget you are paying for it?  Does she not notice the debit from her bank account?

4. My gf’s daughter believes that the more letters she writers to Santa, the more presents she will get.  Seriously, she writers letters…not a list of things she wants, but heartfelt letters…

5.  When my son turned 3 (or was it 4?), we had a little party at his grandma’s house.  His dad took the cake box and put it in the trash.  My poor baby was in tears saying “daddy threw my birthday away”.

6. When my nephew was young, he really wanted a little brother.  One day my mom said to him, well what if grandma had a baby?  My nephew said,  “grandma, I don’t want an old baby!”

7.  I have a secret crush on Orlando Bloom as Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.  No, I don’t have a crush on Orlando, just him as the elf in the movie (don’t ask).

8. My son can’t remember what he did with something he had in his hand 5 seconds ago, but can tell you about every gift and toy he has ever gotten, who he got it from and the day he got it.

9. My mom (may she R.I.P) decided that she was getting hip and wanted an email account.  When I said ok, I would set her up with a hotmail account, she quickly replied “oh no, not that type of account…”

10.  My grandma and her nosey ass got her face caught in the train doors in Queens many years back.   All I can remember is a butt wiggling and hands waving.  Now, this wouldn’t be funny if she was one of those sweet, fragile grandmas…but my grandma could probably whoop my behind.  And that is what she gets for always being so damn nosey ALL the time!

There are other things, but this will do for now.

9 Characters That Should Come Out of the Closet

Kermit the Frog...Gay?

This gave me a much needed laugh today…

http://www.cracked.com/article_15668_next-9-childrens-characters-that-should-come-out-closet.html

Awwww…Kermeeee…lol