Friday Femme Flick: If These Walls Could Talk 2

I’m back at it again, with the Friday Femme Flick. This week I watched “If These Walls Could Talk 2″. Is this the first time I’ve seen this movie? No. But it’s the first time I sat and watched entirely. This was a HBO film, so you may be able to catch it on HBO from time to time, but I just bit the bullet and paid a mere $6 from Amazon to own it forever.

I really liked this movie!

It features 3 stories of women from 3 timespans. 1961, 1972 and 2000. The first story was with a lesbian couple who had been together for 50 years and then suddenly an unexpected death of one of the ladies. This movie tugged at my heart so much. It was sad seeing how the surviving partner was treated because she wasn’t “family”. How when her deceased partners’ family came to visit, she took down all of the pictures they had up of them together and moved her stuff out of there room because she didn’t want to be found out. You really just have to watch it to understand, the actresses played the part very well.

The second segment was set in 1972 and told the story of a young feminist who falls head over heels for a boyish girl. Her lesbian friends talked about her and tried make her feel inadequate for feeling the way she felt. Somehow, boyish girls were a slap in the face of the feminist movement. I guess they couldn’t understand why any woman would embrace anything to do with masculinity. Nia Long made an appearance in this movie and she did a pretty good job. It was very interesting to witness discrimination within the lesbian community. You would think that lesbians of all people would understand what it means to just be who you are and that clothes or appearances or who you sleep with does not define your character. This segment really made me think about the facade we all put on in order to “fit in”.

The final segment was very light-hearted and featued Ellen (no last name needed!) and Sharon Stone. They were a lesbian couple determined to have a baby and it showed the typical stuff such as going to a sperm bank, selecting a donor, failed attempts at insemination until finally one of the women gets pregnant. Ellen was funny, as usual. This was a good ending to a movie that had many ups and downs.

Here is the Amazon review:

HBO caused a stir when it aired If These Walls Could Talk, a portrait of three women from three generations (all who occupied the same house at various times) who had unwanted pregnancies. HBO utilizes the same gimmick in the sequel, this time telling the story of women who love women.

The three stories of If These Walls Could Talk 2 are uneven. Far and away the most powerful and moving story is the first, taking place in 1961, starring Vanessa Redgrave as a woman “widowed” when her partner of 50 years suddenly dies. Redgrave is phenomenal, and her piece alone makes this sequel worth watching. The 1972 portion stars Michelle Williams, who finds dealing with the sexual politics of the gay community increasingly more complex when she falls in love with a boyish woman (played by Chloë Sevigny). The most modern piece, taking place in 2000, portrays a contemporary lesbian couple (Sharon Stone and Ellen DeGeneres) determined to have a baby. The light nature of the story detracts from the more serious issues of the earlier segments. Despite the mixed fare, HBO once again proves itself on the cutting edge of moviemaking, with this rather daring film that will both provoke and entertain. –Jenny Brown

To learn more or to purchase, visit my store by clicking here. This movie is just $5.99. It was worth my six bucks.

My First Lesbian Love Part 1

I was 15.

I was a HS sophomore, it was the first day of school… and there she was scanning her id in the scanner. See, in NYC HS students simply just can’t walk in…we have scanners to verify we belong there and even metal detectors. But I digress. When I saw her standing there, my heart skipped a beat. There was something different, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it (in HS, I was too much self absorbed to notice anyone, so the fact that I stopped and noticed her is very telling in the first place). A few weeks later, she joined the basketball team, which I was a member, we had a rocky start but eventually became good friends.

Pretty soon, we started hanging out together and I really enjoyed her company. She had some ups and downs in her life during her freshman year, and I was always concerned and found myself thinking about her constantly. She was 14 dating a 19 year old and while our fellow peers thought that that was cool, I could see he was just out for himself and told her she shouldn’t mess with him…she wound up pregnant…she ran away from home. I only wanted the best for her, she had so much talent and was going places.  I did not want to see anything hinder her from reaching her full potential.  I always told her what I thought about things, regardless if she wanted to hear it or not.  I just wanted the best for her.   I could remember always being happy to see her on Monday after what seemed to be like a long weekend. We would see each other in basketball practice on Saturday’s and pretty soon we started hanging out after practice on the weekends and after school. I still knew there was something different about how I felt about her, but ignored it. I guess I just thought I really liked her as a friend.

Then one day something changed.

We were on our way home after practice one day. Our coach was driving, I was sitting in the front seat, she was sitting in the middle. We were listening to a Lost Boys song and I turned around and watched her repeat the words and dance in her seat…and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I turned around with a swiftness, and all I could then was “oh shit, I like her…I like her like that!”

It took me a full year to come to terms with what my subconscious already knew.

I felt wonderful, curious, scared and vulnerable all at the same time. I knew she liked me as a friend, but did she like me like that?

The next year, we hung out all the time. During away games, when we had to spend the night at a hotel, I always made it a point to ensure we were in the same room and sleeping in the same bed. Just being close to her was a thrill for me and it felt so good to wake up next to her in the morning.

I adored her, she quickly rose to being an all-city basketball player winning awards and all types of great things.  Her chocolate smooth skin, her long lean body, muscles in the right places, her full beautiful lips, her smile just made me crazy inside.  What I didn’t know at the time was that I was in love, head over heels in love.

She was so sweet, very smart, funny, easy-going and just fun to be around.  She was always a good friend to me.  Understanding, caring and forgiving.

Between my junior and senior year of HS.  I got a internship at a Law Firm in SoHo.   SoHo is located in Greenwich Village, Manhattan.  The village is a hot spot for everyone, especially the GLBT community.  Growing up and spending the majority of my time in Queens with occasional trips to Manhattan, I wasn’t exposed to any “alternative lifestyles”.  But in the Village, there was everyone straight, gay, transgender and even a few I couldn’t quite figure out. LOL.  And I loved it!

One day on my lunch break, I walked past the bookstore on the corner, and there among other titles was a book on lesbian erotica.  As much as I hate to tell on myself, in order for this story to flow I must reveal that in junior high I had a brief fascination with lesbian porn.  My brother had a porn collection that collector would envy.  Being a latchkey kid, I was usually home a good 2-3 hours before anyone in the family.  Being the youngest, I would go through everyones stuff, to see what interesting things I could find.  I know, I know, I was bad…but I was 12!  So one day I found the porn and popped in into the VHS (yes, it was a tape…remember those?).  I remember watching the porn and become fixated on the few lesbian scenes there were, after a while thats all I would watch.  I just loved watching two women get it on. LOL.  Overtime, I got tired of it and found something else to do with my time after school. So when I saw the book and remembered how i loved the sight of two women together, I knew what I wanted to do.  I knew that I wanted her.  I had her friendship, but I wanted more.

During my internship, I wasn’t playing basketball so we didn’t see as much of each other as we normally did.  We still spoke almost daily on the phone and hung out when I wasn’t working and when she didn’t have a game.  And then, one day we had THE conversation that would change my life forever…

Beige Bra’s & Oatmeal Part 1

“There are two things that have been constant in my life since I was sixteen years old: beige bras and oatmeal. The day before I first fell in love with a woman, I got up, had oatmeal for breakfast, and put on a beige bra. I was no different the day before or after that happened”.

This line is from the Women of Brewster place, in an exchange between the lesbian couple Theresa and Lorraine.  Lorraine is explaining that she is not different from everyone else, that she is the same.  Beige bra’s and oatmeal…two constants that have nothing do to with the fact that she loves women.  Her partner, Theresa has a different view on things.

Here is the complete exchange between the two:

Theresa: Lorraine, you’re a lesbian. Do you understand that word? A butch, a dyke, a lesbo, all those things that kid was shouting. Yes, I heard him! And you can run in all the basements in the world, and it won’t change that, so why don’t you accept it?
Lorraine: [angrily] I have accepted it! I’ve accepted it all my life, and it’s nothing I’m ashamed of. I lost a father because I refused to be ashamed of it, but it doesn’t make me different from anyone else in the world!
Theresa: It makes you damned different!
Lorraine: [jerking open bottom drawer of her dresser and pulling out her underwear] Do you see this? There are two things that have been constant in my life since I was sixteen years old: beige bras and oatmeal. The day before I first fell in love with a woman, I got up, had oatmeal for breakfast, and put on a beige bra. I was no different the day before or after that happened, Tee.
Theresa: And what did you do when you went to school that next day, Lorraine? Did you stand around the gym locker and swap stories with the other girls about this new love in your life, huh? While they were bragging about their boyfriends and the fifty dozen ways they had lost their virginity, did you jump in and say, ‘Oh, but you should have seen the one I gave it up to last night?’ Huh? Did you? Did you?
[grabbing Lorraine's underwear]
Theresa: You with your beige bras and oatmeal! Why didn’t you stand in that locker room and pass around a picture of this great love in your life?
Lorraine: [quietly] Because they wouldn’t have understood.
Theresa: That’s right! There go your precious ‘theys’ again. They wouldn’t undertand, not in Detroit, not on Brewster Place, not anywhere! And as long as they own the whole damn world, it’s them and us, Sister! Them and us. And that spells different!

I have watched the Women of Brewster Place about maybe 5 times.  Starting with when I was 8 years old.  I never forgot this part, never.  See,  I started “experimenting” with girls in Kindergarden…I didn’t know what or who I was for that matter.  But now I realize who I am and some days I feel like Lorraine and other days I feel like Theresa…

This page is dedicated to discussing the differences and similiarities between us as lesbians and our hetrosexual counterparts.  Let’s look at the challenges and opportunites that face lesbians and discuss it all…the good, the bad and the ugly.

Coming Out

Okay, so my gf and I are talking marriage.  YAY!  Well not so fast.  I am totally in the closet and I guess I would need to come out of it before we tie the knot.  I have no idea how do to this nor, do I even want to deal with the backlash that I know I will get from my family and friends many of whom are highly religions and believe that homosexuality is nothing short of a one-way ticket to hell.

So what’s a girl to do?

I mean not that any of these people pay my mortgage, contribute to any of my income or anything.  Not that they have a huge stake in my life or the decisions that I make.  Not that I even communicate with them on a regular basis.  So, why should I care? I don’t know. 

What a feeling of mixed emotions I have right now, what a feeling of an overwhelming “oh shit, what now”.  Because its getting to be sooner rather than later that I will have to let the beans out of the bag.

I can already picture the barage of phone calls or even worse, people showing up at my door with bibles and holy water.  Interesting though, the same people who were seeminly uninterested, unaffected and totally not willing to help with my life (down payment for my first home, an offer to assist with moving, college tution expenses for example) will probably be VERY interested in telling me who I should and should not love. 

Talk about a hot topic..that I will be.

My girlfriend is all out and about, gay and loving it.  And me, well, I am like two-faced presenting one side of me to this group of people and another side of me to that group…and…I’m tired.

I have to do this soon, I just turned 29 and its just time that I don’t have anymore hard secrets like this anymore.  I just have no idea of where to start or what to do.

I am a total work in progress, but then again, aren’t we all?!