The Days of My Life

So, if you have’nt noticed. I haven’t been around much lately.  I have been going strong on twitter, but lately, I haven’t been on too much there either.

It’s not like I don’t have anything to say, I have plenty to say but somehow those thoughts haven’t manifested themselves as a blog.  I also haven’t visited many of my favorite blogs either.  Not that I haven’t thought about it and I am quite sure I am missing some great conversations…I just haven’t done much of anything in the realm of blogs and blogging.

I’ve learned some very important lessons, some came easier than others.  One of the main things I learned was  handed to me by my girlfriend.  This lesson didn’t come easy or fast…but eventually I got it and I’m glad I did.    Since my gf came to live with me, she had been complaining about me being on the computer too much.  At first, I brushed it off…but it became a problem, a HUGE problem.  One of the things I’ve learned since we have been seeing the relationship therapist is to express how what we do make each other feel.  For me, being on the computer was a means to an end.  I was working my businesses so that we could have more, do more, go more places.  Because, of course, all of this requires money.  Many things happened because she felt that I placed more time and attention on whatever I was doing online.  It took over a year, but I finally weaned myself off and spent more time with my gf and our family. 

I’m so glad I did!  I was missing seeing the kids laugh and play and just do the silly things kids do.  I was missing just staring at her and rubbing on her for no reason.  I was so busy trying to make tomorrow better, I forgot about today.  And you know what?  I will do what I can to achieve a brighter tomorrow, but I have decided to enjoy every moment I have with my gf, because she is ultimately who matters.  She taught me that. 

I am also working on my businesses and really concentrating on those things that “bake bread” (make me money!).  I am starting a lingerie business to complement my Pure Romance business.  The business is called Dangerous Curves.  I am currently producing our first event at the end of June.  I hope to do several events like this every other month as well as a few other events.

I am also anxiously awaiting a marriage proposal from my gf…I thought about proposing to her (because I just can’t take being in limbo), but she has made it clear that she is going to propose to me.  So perhaps, I will try to learn the art of patience…  We decided that our big day will take place in Hawaii.  We both want to be married with the blue waters as our backdrop.  Since it will be a small wedding, we figure if we give folks enough time they can make a vacation out of it.  We decided to have a small wedding and spend 2 weeks in Europe as our honeymoon…that’s where we would allocate most of our funds (towards the the honeymoon and not the ceremony).  We also would prefer to have small parties leading up to our big day, just to have fun.  I promised her I wouldn’t be a Bridezilla…she is not totally convinced.  We have a way to go in our relationship, and things that we still are working through.  But I am happy,  totally head over heels happy to be her gf and hopefully future fiance.  I have things to work on and we both have goals we are trying to reach.

It’s hard to put your full trust and faith and hopes into one person.  Because you think, what if… And all the worse case scenario’s come to mind.  It makes you want to withdraw and be afraid.  No one wants a broken heart.  No one wants to put time, effort and love into something that won’t work.  That’s how I felt, and I’m not totally over that feeling.  But at this point the what if everything goes wonderfully scenario has taken hold of me.  I believe that two people who come together in a relationship, who are both flawed imperfect human beings will have bumps in the road.  Our ability to love through the hardest times and to forgive will make the difference.  At some point, you have to know that your partner may not be perfect, but loves you with all she’s got and is committed to making a beautiful relationship.  And that’s enough for me.  My gf isn’t perfect…neither am I.  But I know she loves me no matter what.  She may leave an ounce of milk in the container…but I love her and all the strange things she does nonetheless. LOL.  Because when you can love your partner despite whatever, and you realize that you would rather live with them than without them, then for me, I know that’s a love worth fighting for, living for and pursuing. 

So, I’ve been busy.  Not too busy to blog, but just busy.  Just wanted to write this little post because I don’t know when I will blog again…it may be tomorrow or two weeks from now.  I don’t know.  Depends on how the wind blows.  I am on twitter www.twitter.com/mseceo8. 

Another thing about the (potential) wedding…  I am not one of those folks more hung up on the wedding than ever thing else after the wedding.  But if we do get married, then I really want our wedding to be a reflection of us…all that we’ve been through and overcame together.  I am positive that the best is yet to come.